Getting a Kelly Carwash

Where EG's starting to wish she had moved to warmer climes when she had the chance..

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Some Fucking Muscle

I forgot about this until just now...

The head of Augsburg's MBA program lead the informational session Lisa and I went to last week. He's an old Eastern Eurpoean guy with gray hair and the most interesting accent. The session was very good, but my favorite part, by far, was when he said the following:

"These college kids nowadays... I get older and they just stay the same age."

Yes. They. Do.

Technical Difficulties

Sorry for all of the problems with the picutres and links from yesterday. They all work on my computer here at home now so if you're still having problems at work please let me know. Not that I can do much about it.

We started packing for our Grand Canyon trip tonight... I have no idea how we're going to manage to haul everything that we need. Thank goodness Jason's pack is huge. I think he's going to get the raw end of the deal, but that's what he gets for letting us plan the whole trip.

And the highlight of my evening? I got to hold Mason for 20 minutes or so. All of those genes that women are born with... the mommy genes... all started expressing at once. My biological clock was ticking so loudly I didn't hear a single word anyone said to me for the first several minutes I was holding him. Finally, something made it through the tick-ticking: Mason's shrieking wail. Wow can that boy cry. And the second that sweet little banshee scream made it from my ears down to those mommy genes they immediately turned off. But then when he'd quiet down and look up at me with those gorgeous blue eyes, I'd melt all over again. I knew it was going to be hard to keep up my anti-kid mood once I laid my eyes on Heidi and Alf's baby. All I can say is thank goodness for his loud, beautiful, high-pitched, um, singing voice.

A very pissed off Remy Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Ruger's new favorite passtime Posted by Hello

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Happy Birth Day, Mason!

I finally have a really good reason to write. My friend Alfred's son, Mason William was born yesterday, June 27, 2005, at 2:15pm. He weighed 8lbs 9oz and was 21 inches long. I got to meet him today and though he was fussy, he was still a perfect little angel. He looks just like his dad, poor thing… I’ll post pictures as soon as I get some good ones (hint, hint, Alfred).

Here’s the present BBot and I brought them when we visited today.

We have Dora and Abby for the night while their mom and dad are at the hospital, so instead of our usual 130 pounds of dog in the house, we have 300 pounds. As Brad’s dad would say if he were here, we’re living with four deer. But all four of them are being great, due mostly to the fact that we played outside for 4 ½ hours straight. Dora, in particular, is being extra snuggly. Luckily, I’m used to Remy laying all over me, so really the only difference is the blonde hair. Andy, however, is having trouble telling the girls apart. So instead of getting the wrong name, he's calling both of them Abbydora. I'm sure they're very confused. Dora just took a big old sip of his good beer right out of his glass, though, so he has my permission to call them Big Shits if he wants to. Don't worry, Alf and Heidi. We're really not trying to get your dogs drunk.

In completely unrelated news, I think Lisa and I have finally found the perfect MBA program. It’s through Augsburg, and it’s only 20 months long. We’re planning on starting in September, which seems like a long time away until I remember it’s almost July and so it’s really only 2 months. I’ve got a lot to get done in 2 months… Luckily we’re on the home stretch with our accounting class. Speaking of which, I got a B+ on the midterm. I’ve never deserved a B+ less. If this wasn’t an Independent Distance Learning class, anyone who saw my test would accuse me of sleeping with the instructor for my grade.

140 lbs of dog Posted by Hello

Dora and I bonding Posted by Hello

Abby Posted by Hello

Little King Posted by Hello

After a Storm Posted by Hello

Fire in the Sky Posted by Hello

BBot fishing in BWCA Posted by Hello

Really, I'm not bored. Posted by Hello

Friday, June 03, 2005

Best. Dog toy. Ever. Posted by Hello

Remy getting bubbles. Posted by Hello

Self-blowing bubble machine: The lazy woman's way of wearing out her dog. Posted by Hello

Thursday, June 02, 2005

How Can Accounting be Harder than Organic Chemistry?

I promised Lisa I wouldn't talk about this any more, but, for posterity's sake, I need to record how badly that stupid accounting midterm sucked. And I won't bring it up again. Until, that is, I get my grade and then Andy has to talk me down from the roof because how in God's Almighty Name could a statistician FAIL A BEGINNING ACCOUNTING TEST!?!?!? AM I REALLY THAT FUCKING STUPID???

Okay... I feel better now.

The Email is Mighter Than the Sword

Wanna know how to piss me off?

1) Open up a Jimmy Johns in the town where I live, but refuse to put mayonnaise on my sub if I ask for it, prompting this email exchange:

Dear Jimmy John,

I have been a loyal customer since my freshman year in college, almost 10 years ago. My "usual" has always been a Pepe, but we ALWAY ended our alcohol filled nights in college with 2 slim 2's with mayo and provolone.

Just a few days ago, a brand new Jimmy Johns opened up in the town where I live. Before this, the nearest JJ's was 70 miles away, so, needless to say, I was very excited. My husband and I made our inagural visit to this new JJ's this evening and, for old times sake, I decided to get a slim 2 with mayo and provolone. Much to my dismay, I was told that I couldn't get mayo on my slim 2. When I asked why, I was told it's a "Cardinal Rule of Jimmy John's." I just stared at the checkout person in disbelief... I'll admit that most of my slim 2's in the past were eatten in a druken state, but I'm 100% sure they ALL contained mayo. Besides, if I, as a customer, want mayo on my sandwich shouldn't I be allowed to have it? I'd even be willing to pay a little extra. But, sadly, I was denied my mayo and was pointed towards the mayo packets. What a dissapointment. I love Jimmy Johns, but unless this silly "cardinal" rule is changed, I may be forced to go to Erberts & Gerberts from now on, where they won't tell me what I can and cannot put on my sandwiches.

Thank you,
Kelly Carwash


I am glad that you love JJ so much. I want to take some time to explain our slim policy.

There are a couple of reasons why we limit slims to just meat and cheese. One is ease of operations. We have a menu of 17 sandwiches that all have specific items on them. We do allow customers to change stuff but are not a build your own type of sandwich shop. This takes too much time and increases the wait for all customers. As you know we are usually faster than anyone else in the sandwich business. It’s not that placing mayo that takes so long. It’s the time the customer takes to decide what they want that would slow down the line. We get requests to allow people to put just the item they want on slims and allow no other exceptions. The funny thing is that everyone has their own idea of what that item should be. Some think it should be lettuce, while others think it should be tomatoes. You believe that we should allow mayo. I am sure you can see the problem. We have to allow everything or nothing to keep the people happy. Everything would make us as slow as the other shop that resembles and underground train and rhymes with ubway.

Another reason is the cost and value of the slim. It is our value sandwich. If we allow people to add things to it then we are not getting the amount of money we need to be profitable. There is little margin in this business. Every penny counts. That is why you need to pay for the sub before you can add all the goodies you want to it. When you go to a burger joint they will allow you to add sauces and other items to their value item: such as the cheeseburger at the golden arches. The difference is that our slims have the same amount of meat, cheese and bread that our more expensive sandwiches do. When you get a cheese burger you get a smaller patty of meat, a smaller bun, and less fixings. You cannot turn a cheeseburger into a ¼ pounder with cheese. You can turn a slim one into a #1 by adding items to it.

We know people love mayo so we have packets available that save time and money.

I love that you care enough to let us know how you feel. We want your business and hope you keep coming back. I cannot speak for our competition and why they allow you to do what you would like us to do. The only thing I can say is that they know far better than I do what their product is worth.

Thank you for your time,


2) Send me this article, knowing full well it would put me right up on my soap box, forcing me to send the folloiwng email to the author:

Dear Ms. Kersten,
I am interested in hearing your veiws on the growing number of married heterosexual couples who are choosing not to have children, or, more to the point, who are getting married knowing they will never have kids. I fail to see how these couples are any different from a homosexual couple, assuming your hypothesis that allowing homosexual couples to marry undermines the purpose of the institution of marriage: to have and raise children. Though I agree that when marriage was first introduced it was, at its core, about encouraging 2 parents to stay together to raise a family, I believe that our views need to evolve as our society evolves. A quick look around the world of heterosexual marriage shows me that the old reasons of encouraging marriage do not apply today. The number of parents I see who are staying together "because of the children" despite the fact that their behavior towards each other will almost certainly scar their child much more than divorce suggests to me that our ideas about marriage SHOULD change. Growing up, my parents always showed me that a happy couple makes a well-rounded and loved child. I have become a successful adult and am also in a very loving, committed marriage. I seriously doubt whether I would have turned out any differently if my parents consisted of 2 women or 2 men who loved each other as much as my heterosexual parents did. I believe that putting the emphasis of marriage on love, kindness, and understanding will do more for our children than putting the emphasis on the gender of the people involved.

Thank you for your time and for your thought provoking article. I honestly enjoyed reading the "other side" of this very heated arguement.

Kelly Carwash

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

The Land of Swimming Pools and Cowboys

I finally found a few minutes to write… At the rate I’m going, I’ll be lucky to post something once a month. Oh well. I’ll try not to let this die, but instead just post when I can. I probably shouldn’t even be writing now as I’m supposed to take my accounting midterm tomorrow, but if I have to look at one more way to compute the cost of good sold, or spend one more second trying to tell the difference between the retail method and the gross margin method, I swear I’m going to scream. One of these days I’m going to give up and write “No one does the crap by hand anymore!!!!!!!” on a sheet of paper and just turn that in for my assignment. I knew one of the dangers of going back to school after working for several years was that I wouldn’t have the patience for all of the things I’d have to do that I know won’t make a darn bit of difference in real life. So it’s not like I didn’t see this time wasting bull shit coming a mile away.

Many, many things have happened since I last wrote. My life is boring no more. Grandma Kelly, the dog whom this blog is named after, turned 17 years old (see pics below). Sally, the wonderful woman who owns Kelly and who’s responsible for the breedings that produced the dudes, had a birthday party for her complete with games, cake (chicken liver for dogs, chocolate for humans), and professional group portraits (picture #7 is of Ruger). The party should have been hugely fun, but I was caught between crying and throwing up the entire 3 hours we were there. I swore Remy was going to go after another dog and we’d be forever banned from Sally’s house. I’m rarely that stressed out, and was pretty much Queen Bitch the entire time because of it. After everyone else left, we tried setting Remy up to go after another dog so we could correct him when he got aggressive. Sally tried 5 dogs and, after being yelled at by me all day, he didn’t take the bait with any of them. Not only that, but we freaked him out so much that he slept almost continuously for the next 2 days.

A week after Kelly’s party, I was leaving for a conference in Phoenix. About 2 days before I left, though, I noticed that the place for which I currently work had an opening for a similar position down there. (Sorry to those of you who are finding this out just now… I had a feeling things wouldn’t work out, so I didn’t really tell anyone.) I had applied for this same position a few years ago and was offered the job, but the circumstances just weren’t right. And, Andy had never been to Arizona. It’s such a different climate that at that time we didn’t feel comfortable agreeing to move down there without him seeing what it was like. This time around, I didn’t think it was fair to even apply for the job without Andy knowing what living down there would entail, so at the last minute I got him a ticket with frequent flier miles so he could be down there with Mom and me for a few days.

Unfortunately, we arrived at the very beginning of a big-time heat wave. They had record highs the whole time we were there. Every day temps got up to somewhere between 105 and 115 degrees, and didn’t cool down until well after midnight. It was actually quite comfortable in the shade, but I came back without a tan because it was too hot in the sun to even lay out.

During my classes my mom and my aunt drove Andy around so he got to see most of the town, even if it was just from the back seat of a car. And, to make a long story short, Andy didn’t get any “warm fuzzies” from Phoenix. Besides, for some reason I felt like it was way too big of a city this time. Needless to say, we decided I shouldn’t apply for the job.

It was definitely a fun trip, though. The highlight, for me anyway, was going to game 2 of the NBA Western Conference finals. The Suns played the Spurs, and it was a great game, coming down to the last shot. Phoenix lost (and didn’t play all that well, either) but the atmosphere was incredible. And I got to see the current league MVP (Steve Nash) and a former MVP (Tim Duncan) play. The game alone was worth the trip. I was disappointed that I didn’t see any celebs, though. I guess Eva Longoria was there, but I’m not even sure I’d recognize her if I did see her. Also, Brandy is supposedly dating one of the Suns, but she must have had another engagement as she wasn’t in her usual seat. Seeing the Red Panda Acrobat during the half time show will have to be enough of a celebrity sighting for me.

Anyway, I guess I'd better get back to credits, debits, and generally accepted accounting principles. (Until about 12 hours after I first posted this, that last bit said "commonly accepted general accounting pricinples". I'm so going to fail this class.) Wish me luck on my test tomorrow!

Talliesen West: Frank Lloyd Wright's architecture school Posted by Hello

Andy at Talliensen West Posted by Hello

Pointe South Mountain Resort - Phoenix Posted by Hello