Getting a Kelly Carwash

Where EG's starting to wish she had moved to warmer climes when she had the chance..

Thursday, June 02, 2005

The Email is Mighter Than the Sword

Wanna know how to piss me off?

1) Open up a Jimmy Johns in the town where I live, but refuse to put mayonnaise on my sub if I ask for it, prompting this email exchange:

Dear Jimmy John,

I have been a loyal customer since my freshman year in college, almost 10 years ago. My "usual" has always been a Pepe, but we ALWAY ended our alcohol filled nights in college with 2 slim 2's with mayo and provolone.

Just a few days ago, a brand new Jimmy Johns opened up in the town where I live. Before this, the nearest JJ's was 70 miles away, so, needless to say, I was very excited. My husband and I made our inagural visit to this new JJ's this evening and, for old times sake, I decided to get a slim 2 with mayo and provolone. Much to my dismay, I was told that I couldn't get mayo on my slim 2. When I asked why, I was told it's a "Cardinal Rule of Jimmy John's." I just stared at the checkout person in disbelief... I'll admit that most of my slim 2's in the past were eatten in a druken state, but I'm 100% sure they ALL contained mayo. Besides, if I, as a customer, want mayo on my sandwich shouldn't I be allowed to have it? I'd even be willing to pay a little extra. But, sadly, I was denied my mayo and was pointed towards the mayo packets. What a dissapointment. I love Jimmy Johns, but unless this silly "cardinal" rule is changed, I may be forced to go to Erberts & Gerberts from now on, where they won't tell me what I can and cannot put on my sandwiches.

Thank you,
Kelly Carwash


I am glad that you love JJ so much. I want to take some time to explain our slim policy.

There are a couple of reasons why we limit slims to just meat and cheese. One is ease of operations. We have a menu of 17 sandwiches that all have specific items on them. We do allow customers to change stuff but are not a build your own type of sandwich shop. This takes too much time and increases the wait for all customers. As you know we are usually faster than anyone else in the sandwich business. It’s not that placing mayo that takes so long. It’s the time the customer takes to decide what they want that would slow down the line. We get requests to allow people to put just the item they want on slims and allow no other exceptions. The funny thing is that everyone has their own idea of what that item should be. Some think it should be lettuce, while others think it should be tomatoes. You believe that we should allow mayo. I am sure you can see the problem. We have to allow everything or nothing to keep the people happy. Everything would make us as slow as the other shop that resembles and underground train and rhymes with ubway.

Another reason is the cost and value of the slim. It is our value sandwich. If we allow people to add things to it then we are not getting the amount of money we need to be profitable. There is little margin in this business. Every penny counts. That is why you need to pay for the sub before you can add all the goodies you want to it. When you go to a burger joint they will allow you to add sauces and other items to their value item: such as the cheeseburger at the golden arches. The difference is that our slims have the same amount of meat, cheese and bread that our more expensive sandwiches do. When you get a cheese burger you get a smaller patty of meat, a smaller bun, and less fixings. You cannot turn a cheeseburger into a ¼ pounder with cheese. You can turn a slim one into a #1 by adding items to it.

We know people love mayo so we have packets available that save time and money.

I love that you care enough to let us know how you feel. We want your business and hope you keep coming back. I cannot speak for our competition and why they allow you to do what you would like us to do. The only thing I can say is that they know far better than I do what their product is worth.

Thank you for your time,


2) Send me this article, knowing full well it would put me right up on my soap box, forcing me to send the folloiwng email to the author:

Dear Ms. Kersten,
I am interested in hearing your veiws on the growing number of married heterosexual couples who are choosing not to have children, or, more to the point, who are getting married knowing they will never have kids. I fail to see how these couples are any different from a homosexual couple, assuming your hypothesis that allowing homosexual couples to marry undermines the purpose of the institution of marriage: to have and raise children. Though I agree that when marriage was first introduced it was, at its core, about encouraging 2 parents to stay together to raise a family, I believe that our views need to evolve as our society evolves. A quick look around the world of heterosexual marriage shows me that the old reasons of encouraging marriage do not apply today. The number of parents I see who are staying together "because of the children" despite the fact that their behavior towards each other will almost certainly scar their child much more than divorce suggests to me that our ideas about marriage SHOULD change. Growing up, my parents always showed me that a happy couple makes a well-rounded and loved child. I have become a successful adult and am also in a very loving, committed marriage. I seriously doubt whether I would have turned out any differently if my parents consisted of 2 women or 2 men who loved each other as much as my heterosexual parents did. I believe that putting the emphasis of marriage on love, kindness, and understanding will do more for our children than putting the emphasis on the gender of the people involved.

Thank you for your time and for your thought provoking article. I honestly enjoyed reading the "other side" of this very heated arguement.

Kelly Carwash


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